bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
