it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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