If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
