im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
