Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
