yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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