Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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