I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
