I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
too bad you live with your parents still
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
