he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
