i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize