Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
