Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
