Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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