You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
