the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
