I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
