it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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