my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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