i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize