Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
