Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
