He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
