Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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