He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
