This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
