you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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