He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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