were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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