If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
