I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
