I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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