and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
