I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
