I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
