The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
40s are totally the cure
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
