Got a toothbrush?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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