My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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