First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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