talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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