I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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