dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
