i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
