i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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