i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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