My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
