i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
