This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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