How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
