I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
