I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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