I just threw up on my dentist
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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