Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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