I think I am morally bankrupt
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
