ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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