this beer tastes like vomit already
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
