? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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