o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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