I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
