Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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