Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Someone signed my nipple.
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