i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just had sex bonerless
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
