Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
