suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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