If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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