we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
