My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
