I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
