I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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