Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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