you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
