I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
