what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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