There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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