We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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