I wanna passion pit in your ass
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We're too hungover to prance.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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